The 9 Levels of Hell & How They Relate to Cross Stitching

Actual levels in heaven & hell are not addressed in the Bible.  For example, if you one day find yourself within the gates of hell, you will not step into an elevator & hear something like "4th Floor, Murderers & Adulterers."  The level reference can be traced back to the imagination of Dante Alighieri in his famous poem Divine Comedy, the first part of that poem being Inferno.  To oversimplify, Dante describes 9 levels of hell as being concentric circles, each level or circle increasing in, well, hellishness until you find satan in Level 9.

If this were true, I know without a doubt that living in central Kentucky would be Level 8, but what about the other 7 levels?  I can't help but think the next 2 levels would be as follows:

Level 7 - Here the demons will howl with maniacal laughter as they bring you floss, needles, fabric, & charts which require you to stitch more french knots than there are stars in the heavens.  No cross stitches, mind you.  No half crosses or back stitches.  Just french knots.

Level 6 - Here you would have satan's minions constantly bringing you cross stitched items to finish into ornaments, pinkeeps, cupboard tucks, etc.

Levels 6 & 7 are probably interchangeable. At this moment the remaining 5 levels are up for grabs.

Can you guess that I started work on some finishing today?  A week or two ago I estimated that I must have about 2 dozen stitched items to finish into ornaments or pinkeeps or whatever else you can think of. A few days ago, after a week of prolific stitching, I upped that estimate to 3 dozen. Well, I went upstairs this morning filled with good intentions.  I uncovered my stitched projects awaiting finishing & began to press them.  I counted as I pressed.  My heart grew heavier & heavier as the number climbed.  I finished counting at 42.  42!!! Did those little elves or fairies I've mentioned in the past decide to stop by & stitch up a storm just to see me run for the Xanax bottle?  Well, hold on to your hats because I then noticed something odd sitting on a box where nothing should've been sitting.  I went over to investigate.  It was 9 more stitched items ready to be finished!  That's 51!!!

How in the world am I going to finish 51 stitched items (52 if you count the one in progress in my Q-Snap right now) when I detest finishing?!?!?

I turned off the iron, headed downstairs & baked a batch of sugar cookies & then whipped up a batch of brownies.  The sugar cookies got burned & they taste like feet. The verdict isn't in regarding the brownies.  They are still cooling in the pan.  

I wonder if 51 of my dearest friends & most beloved family members would like a "Finish It Yourself Cross Stitch Kit" for Christmas?  I could fill some sort of decorative bag or box with FIYCSK supplies which would include a completed stitched item, a backing fabric, a little baggie full of batting or sawdust, & a sheet of directions!  Who wouldn't love to find something like this under their tree?!?!? Okay, nobody would.  I don't have 51 dear friends or beloved family members anyway. Damn!

I don't think I can accomplish anything else today.  I think I'm in shock.  I need to be kept calm.  Perhaps I'll try to ignore the horrific reality of this morning & instead do something to relax.  Perhaps read a book while I munch on what will hopefully be yummy brownies.  I have 2 Miss Read books that I got for Christmas last year.  Miss Read is my favorite author.  I've never read these 2 particular books.  They are both Christmas books & I decided last year that I wanted to wait to read them until this next Christmas season.  In retrospect that was probably a dumb thing for me to decide to do because I may have died already this year & then I would have gone to my grave without having enjoyed them!  Anyway, Miss Read's characters don't do cross stitching. They have no worries about finishing or french knots.  Lucky fictional folk!